Uploaded on: 06/24/2007
St. Thomas in St. Paul:
Where India and Cambodia meet
By Dave Hrbacek
The Catholic Spirit
Veasna and Gregory John got married in America 10 years ago after coming to the U.S. from their native countries, Cambodia and India. The two became Catholic in April and are members of St. Thomas the Apostle in St. Paul. They have a home-remodeling business. |
Veasna and Gregory John each broke from their native cultures.
He was born in India, she in Cambodia. Had they followed their own traditions, they wouldn’t be married.
Instead, each came to America and embraced their new culture. Rather than submit to the arranged marriages of their own countries, they freely chose each other 10 years ago. They also chose U.S. citizenship and, recently, membership in the Catholic church. They completed the RCIA program at St. Thomas the Apostle in St. Paul and became Catholic at the Easter Vigil Mass in April.
Both said they had no trouble laying aside their traditions in order to marry. For Veasna, the links were weak. She moved here at age 4 and lived with her mother in St. Paul. She grew up in a Christian background, rather than in the Buddhist tradition of Cambodia.
“As kids, they used to take us to vacation Bible camp,” said Veasna, 29. “That’s how I learned about Jesus.”
Though her mother might have been inclined to help her choose a marriage partner, Veasna said her mother accepted Gregory easily — except for the difference in status.
“When I first met him, she used to say, ‘He’s too rich for you,’ ” Veasna said. “We’re in the lower-middle class. His family is considered rich. She said there might be a problem there, but she had no problem for us marrying.”
That wasn’t the case for Gregory, whose Indian culture contains a strong caste system.
“I grew up with that,” said Gregory, 35. “There’s status. You cannot marry just anybody. . . . There are levels of status. You won’t hear about a rich-status person marrying a middle-class status [person].”
On the outside, Gregory said, his family has expressed their acceptance of his marriage. He’s not sure about the inside. What he does know is they were prepared to arrange his marriage.
“If I was there [India], it [marriage to Veasna] wouldn’t have happened,” he said. “It would have been done [by his parents]. The parents have the power in the house. It doesn’t matter whether you are 35 years old or 40 years old. When you are in their house, you do what they’re asking you to do, and that’s the end of it.”
But Gregory left his parents’ home and his country and came to America when he was 23. He went to St. Paul Technical College in St. Paul to study auto mechanics. There, he met Veasna, who was studying apparel arts.
Veasna did not have a good first impression. When they were introduced, he shook her hand so hard it hurt. Soon, the grip softened, and romance bloomed. They married in January 1994, just months after they met.
Though he studied auto mechanics, Gregory started his own cleaning service. Veasna woked with him. Some friends talked them into going to Mass at
St. Thomas the Apostle. They struck up a friendship with the pastor, Father Joseph “Tony” Andrade, who also is from India. From there, they landed a contract to do cleaning work at the parish. Then, last fall, they decided to join the parish’s RCIA program.
“In the beginning, I didn’t want to go through it because my strong belief is God doesn’t look at what church you’re going to and why,” Gregory said. “He’s looking at you — what you have done as long as you are on this earth. But, since the program was there and we were there, we said, ‘OK, we’ll go though it and get some education.’ ”
Veasna, likewise, was reluctant at first. “When I first went it, I wasn’t really sure [about becoming Catholic],” she said.
“Through that process and making friends, I [eventually] wanted to become part of this [Catholic] community.”
In addition to faith, the two also share a blend of Cambodian and Indian food. That is their primary way of connecting to their roots. After working all day together (they now own and operate a home-remodeling business), they come home to meals of either Camodian or Indian food — or both.
“Indian food is not that different from my mom’s cooking,” said Veasna, who, according to the traditions of both cultures, does all the cooking. “It’s just more spices.”
When it comes to clothing, Gregory has spurned his native attire, while Veasna not only wears, but also makes, traditional Indian outfits. She wears them primarily at church on Sundays. Gregory’s turn may come someday.
“I love to wear it [Indian clothing], I’m just waiting for the right time,” he said. “Right now, I don’t think it’s time for me to have it or wear it because I’m too busy with what I’m doing right now.”
The closest thing right now is a picture of him wearing a turban with a monkey on his shoulder that she drew. It hangs in their St. Paul home.
“She saw a movie where there was an Indian guy with a monkey on his shoulder,” Gregory said. “So, she drew me with an Indian outfit and a monkey and put it up on the wall.”